bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
