We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize