I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Naked Twister starts at high noon
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
