turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
