i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I want her autograph on my taint
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
