You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
