you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize