you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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