8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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