I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
