There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
