i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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