He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
