i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
