She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
