I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
