Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
