I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my shit smells like andre
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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