She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
