hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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