I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
