Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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