I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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