I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
