Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
