his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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