Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
