I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize