It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
