is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
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I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
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He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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