Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
