I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
