I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
