He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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