my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
