This is not my ceiling
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
