Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
not ubering you a puppy
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
