I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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