mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
