Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
