WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
