Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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