I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
