what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
