No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
