im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
