I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
