Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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