I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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