my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
not ubering you a puppy
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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