I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
