I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
