I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
