i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
